hmm..

what a weird place i am in. i am talking about where i fit in in this phase of my life. this season of my life is weird. don't get me wrong, i am learning and i know why God is putting me through this season (as hard as it is). but overall, it is definitely odd. i think it is because i am in a place with no real sense of "identity" to describe me. all i have is an overall dependance on God. really, nothing else defines who i am at this particular moment. what i mean is, MPD (ministry of partnership development i.e. fundraising) is my job. but not your "typical" job and REALLY different from what i used to be identified with.. NURSE. also, the days aren't really filled with stuff to do other than the occasional, and i mean occasional, MPD appointment or going to help my parents at the cleaners. also, all of you know but i ended a relationship back in january. so i used to defined as someone's "girlfriend" but now, i'm just me. now don't get me wrong, i am not depressed or is this post in anyway negative. i am just realizing the current state i am in and noticing how my life was so much different just 3 months ago. i guess what i am trying to say is.. this is the first time in my life that nothing, other than "I DEPEND ON GOD" defines who i am. i am completely free of doing thing in my own will. i am free from defining myself in my own strength. am i making sense? at every other point in my life, i claimed i depended on God. yet, there was always something to fall back on. for instance, nursing was hard. i worked my butt off everyday. it was a difficult season. I depended on God. I needed God. it was a time for character building, a time for growing up. yet, God wasn't the only thing to define who i am. somewhere along the way, i also sort of depended on the title "nurse". am i making more sense now? just a thought i had today about where i am, where i am going to be in three weeks, and where i will be in 6 months from now. i know my life will be totally different soon. just taking some time to soak in what God is doing right here, right now. it's good.